I love the Original Flavor Vader. Like, subsequent stuff made him ridiculous by giving him a backstory and world building and shit and I love it, but just imagine
He’s the Emperor’s goth Space Rasputin who you all have to let hang around, even though he’s really killing the vibe, has absolutely no real authority over any of you (Tarkin is the one giving the orders!), and likes to spew vague threatening mantras while you try to strategize and shit. None of you know where he comes from, Darth may or may not be his real name, and that religion he likes to lecture you about is Extremely Illegal
So one day you tell him his esoteric dying faith–that, like, two old men and a twink from Desert Bumblefuck still take seriously–is old, weird, and not as powerful as your fash wetdream planet-destroying laser–and also kinda useless, dude, it hasn’t exactly fixed that Rebel Problem you have going on
Unfortunately, he is also a seven-foot-tall laser-sword-wielding robot wizard of death, so in response to this, he gets mad and chokes you out with his mind
Your other boss (Tarkin, is Probably In Charge) treats this like it’s normal and tells both of you to play nice while you make sure your trachea is intact and The Magic Death Cyborg sulks in the corner because he wasn’t allowed to murder the non-believer
In a way, I think the backstory makes this MORE hilarious, because Motti was DEFINITELY alive and active during the time of the Old Republic and the Jedi… even if he joined after Order 66, we know that wizard-murder wasn’t something Vader had just started doing.
So, Motti, in a senior staff meeting, really said “Fuck you, space wizard.”
15th March 2023
Reblogged From nudityandnerdery
Notes: 53359
